A shadow of a hope

A shadow of a hope

"Look."

<<"No.">> hands reached for the keys and stopped.

"Look!"

<<"I can't.">> a musical note collapsed to the ground. It shattered.

"Stop!"

<<"I wish.">> silence. Fingers moving through the air creating a perfect fading circle. It was already over.

"Why are you doing this?" the voice was shaky, drowned in tears.

<<"Because I hate it.">> his eyes focused on the notes in front of him. "The music." one sound after another, it scared his mind, it was unholy.

"It's not here."

<<"Can't you hear it?">> another note left the sanctity of the piano. "It's around me. I wish.you." hands encircled his chest and pulled him back.

"I miss you"

<<"I know. I wish...">> he freed himself and let his fingers fall over the keys. Sounds, magical, enchanting sounds of sorrow and freedom surrounded him. "Why?"

"Just.because" steps followed the silence. A door closed as the light went off. He was alone again. Wait, no. The music, it followed him everywhere, in this room, on the hallway, it was there, in his mind, seeking a way out. The keys dissolved as he went to the bed. Another dream of ethereal strings and playing fingers. Another night passed in chains of reality, limited by his own imagination.

"I know it's already over." he ran form the image because he didn't want to be brought back. This was his world. Walls of notes and piano keys, sky made out of fragments of dreams, crumpling at his feet in a musical decadence. It all belonged to him and no one was entitled to take it away. <<"I wish.">> always, his thoughts evaporated after those two words, as if he never even intended to think them. Dissolved into space, his body revealed its deepest desires, yet they remained unclaimed. He saw them, hanging by threads above him, raising every time he tried to catch one. Never, he will never leave this world. The music kept him alive, gentle notes evaporating in his mind as soon as the keys were touched. Vibrating strings giving a melodic death to all the fears and thoughts of escape. The hands that wanted to pull him out were cut from his chest, but they managed to take a piece of his soul along with them. Thus he was restless. He wanted to hear the song, so much it actually hurt, but it kept fading away. "Damn you.give it back.give it back." knees drawn up to his chest, he wanted to seek comfort in the darkness. He wanted the air to be his piano again, the canvas on which his fingers could paint and create notes. His breath to change the color of the imaginary palette and write his feelings with crimson shadows. He wanted.he wanted.to feel again.

~*~

"Please."

<<"No.">> he wanted to create again, to build it with his own mind, so that the sounds resonating from it could be entirely his.

"Just this once." a hand was rested on his shoulder. Again he was trying to take him away.

"No!" the sounds were disaccorded. The keys changed place and he couldn't find the right notes. "Go away."

"I want you to look at me, one more time.please" the grip on his shoulder tightened. He was turned around, brought out of his place of sanctity.

<<"Let me go.go away!">> he pressed his back against the wall, hair falling in his face, sparing him from the cat of seeing. The air pierced his lungs rapidly, as if a thousand daggers threatened to rip him apart. But he wasn't afraid of pain was he? Physical pain, he could endure that, he could lock himself away in his mind and wait till it was over. But if the world was gone, then he would have nothing, he'll have to endure everything on his own. No.that couldn't happen, he had to fight it.

"Why.I want to see you, I missed you." he advanced, eager to get a reaction, any reaction.

"Get away!" he pushed himself further in the wall as if it offered him protection from reality. Hands raised in front of him trying to push away sanity and imaginary freedom. "I don't want.you." he hit the floor with a small thump, hugging his knees and burying his head in the darkness.

"I only wish." he felt the tear that fell on his check, but he didn't move. That voice, so full of hope, it scared him. He didn't want hope; he wanted illusion and fragments of dreams.

"Get out.give me back my song!" his back hit the wall repeatedly, but he never once let go of his knees. It was his escape at that moment. If he could only play his piano, make sounds of decadence and kill reality, but he couldn't, there was someone in the way.

"Maybe next time." again, a small hope in the tone of his voice, but was dying away. He could tell, because the music surrounded him little by little. Steps echoed out of the room, a horrid sound announcing him that the connection to reality has been cut.

<<"No next time.I hate it, I want out">> his mind joggled with the thoughts, mixed them, making him confused. Dreams, imagination, songs, he wanted them, yet he despised them for keeping him away from. from him. The only path shown to him was made of illusions, but whenever he came, it started to fade. "I.wish." the notes pulled at him, calling him to create them before he could finish his thoughts. What was he about to say? Did it actually matter?

His fingers danced on the liquid sky, drawing the lines that would support the keys. Black and white mixed on his hands as he painted with words. Liquid wishes fell down his cheeks, erasing the strings he drew. "Why do you keep coming?" is this how it'll end? A senseless struggle to keep his world intact? An eternal search on a dead end path? "Please."

~*~

"Do you even remember who you are?" the voice made him fall on the ground. It was too loud, too real. "Your name? Do you remember it?"

"Like a star, I keep falling but never touching the ground. In the water I can see flowers all around me, drifting into my mind. They call for me, they want me to sing for them" he rose and headed for the bed. "Blue fading to white and decreasing to shallow.I want to be.with them.with the flowers, I want to sing for them, breathe the water and clench to the branches. I want to be Ophelia" he looked at his hand curled up in a fist in front of him. <<"In my dreams I see you falling.and I'm dragging you.">>.

"That's not it.you can't be like her!" he took a few steps towards him but stopped as two fingers touched his forehead.

"Bury all your secrets in my skin, but leave my mind intact" the grieving sound ripped apart the shelter. He lowered his thumb until it touched the index finger and shot. "Give me my music back" blood started flowing, mixing with the white of the room, painting his hands.

"I never intended to take your world away, I wanted to be part of it" his words faded slowly in the air, leaving behind a staining pain.

<<"Don't go.">> he screamed in his mind, hoping that somehow it could be heard. "Already.over." the words were contrasting with his feelings. He raised his hand in an attempt of catching the shadow that was still lingering in the blood stained room. "It's all I'm reaching for.the music."

The steps stopped near the door, as he turned, shining a mimicked bright hope. "I only wish you weren't my friend.so that I could hurt you the same".

"You only wish." those words struck him into reality. The door was closed, creaking, destroying the silence. "Then.I wish to." what has he done? He needed to sing and wash away the blood, the shame and the meaning. That was it, one note after another escaping the tip of his fingers. Who could resist that ethereal music? Getting lost in it, forgetting about meanings and reality, that was his sanity.

~*~

"We should tell him." steps advanced down the corridor.

"What for? He can't even remember his name, you think he'd actually care?" the other voice joined in the song.

"We just should ok? It's normal like that" the door was opened as they stepped in.

"Just look at him. Playing the air like that, I tell you you're wasting your time."

"He's gone isn't he?" the fingers stopped touching the keys and turned to the two intruders.

"H-how."

"Because the music came back to me" a fading smile curled his lips, as if torn in between grieving and celebrating.

"He.he wanted to tell you."

"I knew, there was no need, Ophelia knew"

"He's bluffing, he can't possibly." disbelief and fear were dripping out of that voice.

"Fading slowly, my soul that was stolen came back.but now." he got out of the bed and headed for the window, ".the music has no meaning anymore" with firm hands he closed the piano lid. The door was closed. <<"I wish.to remember you.">>