What Can Be Learned in Dreams
Carefully Nynaeve formed an image in her mind of the Amyrlin's study, just as she had envisioned the Heart of the Stone on going to sleep. Nothing happened, and she frowned. She should have been taken to the White Tower, to the room she had visualized. Trying again, she imagined a room there that she had 12412g616m visited much more often, if more unhappily.
The Heart of the Stone became the study of the Mistress of Novices, a compact, dark-paneled room full of plain, sturdy furnishings that had been used by generations of women who had held that office. When a novice's transgressions were such that extra hours of scrubbing floors or raking paths would not atone, it was here that she was sent. For an Accepted to receive that summons took a greater transgression, but still she went, on leaden feet, knowing the outcome would be just as painful, perhaps more so.
Nynaeve did not want to look at the room - Sheriam had called her willfully stubborn on her numerous visits - but found herself staring into the mirror on the wall, where novices and Accepted had to look at their own weeping faces while listening to Sheriam lecture about obeying the rules or showing proper respect or whatever. Obeying others' rules and showing required respect had always tripped up Nynaeve. The faint remnants of gilt on the carved frame said it had been there since the War of the Hundred Years, if not the Breaking.
The Taraboner dress was beautiful, but anyone who saw her in it would be suspicious. Even Domani women usually dressed circumspectly when they visited the Tower, and she could not imagine anybody dreaming of herself in the Tower except on her best behavior. Not that she was likely to meet anyone, except perhaps someone who had dreamed herself into Tel'aran'rhiod for a few moments; before Egwene, there had not been a woman in the Tower who could enter the World of Dreams unaided since Corianin Nedeal, over four hundred years ago. On the other hand, among the ter'angreal stolen from the Tower that were still in the hands of Liandrin and her confederates, eleven had last been studied by Corianin. The two others of Corianin's study, the two that she and Elayne had in hand, both gave access to Tel'aran'rhiod; it was best to assume that the rest did, too. There was small chance that Liandrin or any of the others would dream themselves back to the Tower they had fled, but even that chance was too big to risk when it might mean being waylaid. For that matter, she could not really be sure that the stolen ter'angreal were all that Corianin had investigated. The records were often murky about ter'angreal no one understood, and others could very well be in the hands of Black sisters still in the Tower.
The dress changed completely, became white wool, soft but not of a particularly fine quality, and banded at the hem with seven colored stripes, one for each Ajah. If she saw anyone who did not vanish after a few moments, she would take herself back to Sienda, and they would think she was only one of the Accepted, touching Tel'aran'rhiod in her dreams. No. Not the inn, but Sheriam's study. Anyone like that would have to be Black Ajah, and after all, she was supposed to be hunting them.
Completing her disguise, she gripped her suddenly red-gold braid and grimaced at Melaine's face in the mirror. Now, there was a woman she would like to hand over to Sheriam.
The study of the Mistress of Novices was near the novices' quarters, and the wide, tiled hallways flickered with occasional motion past elaborate wall hangings and unlit stand-lamps; flashes of frightened girls all in novice white. A good many novice nightmares would contain Sheriam. She ignored them as she hurried by; they were not in the World of Dreams long enough to see her, or if they did they would simply think her part of their own dream.
It was only a short climb up broad stairs to the Amyrlin's study. As she approached, suddenly Elaida was in front of her, sweaty-faced in a blood-red gown, the stole of the Amyrlin Seat around her shoulders. Or almost the Amyrlin's stole; it had no blue stripe.
Those stern dark eyes focused on Nynaeve. "I am the Amyrlin Seat, girl! Do you not know how to show respect? I will have yo-" In midword, she was gone.
Nynaeve exhaled raggedly. Elaida as Amyrlin; that was a nightmare for certain. Probably her fondest dream, she thought wryly. It will snow in Tear before she ever rises that high.
The anteroom was much as she remembered it, with one wide table and a chair behind it for the Keeper of the Chronicles. A few chairs sat against the wall for Aes Sedai waiting to speak with the Amyrlin; novices and Accepted stood. The neat array of papers on the table, bound scrolls and large parchments with seals and letters, seemed unlike Leane, though. Not that she was untidy, quite the reverse, yet Nynaeve had always thought she would put everything away at night.
She pushed open the door to the inner room, but her step slowed as she entered. No wonder she had not been able to dream herself here; the room was nothing like what she remembered. That heavily carved table and tall, throne-like chair. The vine-carved stools arranged in a perfect curve in front of the table, not one so much as an inch out of place. Siuan Sanche affected simple furnishings, as if pretending she was still only a fisherman's daughter, and she kept only one extra chair, which she did not always let visitors use. And that white vase full of red roses, rigidly arranged on a pedestal like a monument. Siuan enjoyed flowers, but she preferred a bouquet of colors, like a field of wildflowers in miniature. Above the fireplace had hung a simple drawing of fishing boats in tall reeds. Now there were two paintings, one of which Nynaeve recognized. Rand, battling the Forsaken who had called himself Ba'alzamon, in the clouds above Falme. The other, on three wooden panels, portrayed scenes that linked to nothing she could pull out of her memory.
The door opened, and Nynaeve's heart leaped into her throat. A red-haired Accepted she had never seen before stepped into the room and stared at her. She did not wink out of existence. Just as Nynaeve was preparing to leap back to Sheriam's study, the red-haired woman said, "Nynaeve, if Melaine knew you were using her face, she'd do more than put you in a child's dress." And just that suddenly she was Egwene, in her Aiel garb.
"You nearly frightened ten years out of me," Nynaeve muttered. "So the Wise Ones have finally decided to let you come and go as you please? Or is Melaine behind-"
"You should be frightened," Egwene snapped, color rising in her cheeks. "You are a fool, Nynaeve. A child playing in the barn with a candle."
Nynaeve gaped. Egwene berating her? "You listen to me, Egwene al'Vere. I'll not take that from Melaine, and I won't take it -"
"You had best take it from someone, before you get yourself killed."
"I -"
"I ought to take that stone ring away from you. I should have given it to Elayne and told her not to let you use it at all."
"Told her not -!"
"Do you think Melaine was exaggerating?" Egwene said sternly, shaking her finger almost exactly like Melaine. "She was not, Nynaeve. The Wise Ones have told you the simple truth about Tel'aran'rhiod time and again, but you seem to think they're fools whistling in a high wind. You are supposed to be a grown woman, not a silly little child. I vow, whatever sense you once had in your head seems to have vanished like a puff of smoke. Well, find it, Nynaeve!" She sniffed loudly, rearranging the shawl on her shoulders. "Right now you are trying to play with the pretty flames in the fireplace, too foolish to realize you might fall in."
Nynaeve stared in amazement. They argued often enough, but Egwene had never ever tried to dress her down like a girl caught with her fingers in the honey jar. Never! The dress. It was the Accepted's dress she was wearing, and someone else's face. She changed herself back to herself, in a good blue wool that she had often worn for Circle meetings and to put the Council straight. She felt robed in all her old authority as Wisdom. "I am well aware of how much I don't know," she said levelly, "but those Aiel -"
"Do you realize you could dream yourself into something you could not get out of? Dreams are real here. If you let yourself drift into a fond dream, it could trap you. You'd trap yourself. Until you died."
"Will you -?"
"There are nightmares walking Tel'aran'rhiod, Nynaeve."
"Will you let me speak?" Nynaeve barked. Or rather, she tried to bark it; there was rather too much frustrated pleading in there to suit her. Any at all would have been too much.
"No, I will not," Egwene said firmly. "Not until you want to say something worth listening to. I said nightmares, and I meant nightmares, Nynaeve. When someone has a nightmare while in Tel'aran'rhiod, it is real too. And sometimes it survives after the dreamer has gone. You just don't realize, do you?"
Suddenly rough hands enveloped Nynaeve's arms. Her head whipped from side to side, eyes bulging. Two huge, ragged men lifted her into the air, faces half-melted ruins of coarse flesh, drooling mouths full of sharp, yellowed teeth. She tried to make them vanish - if a Wise One dreamwalker could, so could she - and one of them ripped her dress open down the front like parchment. The other seized her chin in a horny, callused hand and twisted her face toward him; his head bent toward her, mouth opening. Whether to kiss or bite, she did not know, but she would rather die than allow either. She flailed for saidar and found nothing; it was horror filling her, not anger. Thick fingernails dug into her cheeks, holding her head steady. Egwene had done this, somehow. Egwene. "Please, Egwene!" It was a squeal, and she was too terrified to care. "Please!"
The men - creatures - vanished, and her feet thudded to the floor. For a moment all she could do was shudder and weep. Hastily she repaired the damage to her dress, but the scratches from long fingernails remained on her neck and chest. Clothing could be mended easily in Tel'aran'rhiod, but whatever happened to a human... Her knees shook so badly that it was all she could do to stay upright.
She half-expected Egwene to comfort her, and for once she would have accepted it gladly. But the other woman only said, "There are worse things here, but nightmares are bad enough. I made these, and unmade them, but even I have trouble with those I just find. And I did not try to hold them, Nynaeve. If you knew how to unmake them, you could have."
Nynaeve tossed her head angrily, refusing to scrub the tears from her cheeks. "I could have dreamed myself away. To Sheriam's study, or back to my bed." She did not sound sulky. Of course she did not.
"If you had not been too scared spitless to think of it," Egwene said dryly. "Oh, take that sullen look off your face. It looks silly on you."
She glared at the other woman, but it did not work as it usually did. Instead of flaring into argument, Egwene merely arched an eyebrow at her. "None of this looks like Siuan Sanche," Nynaeve said to change the subject. What had gotten into the girl?
"It doesn't," Egwene agreed, looking around the room. "I see why I had to come by way of my old room in the novices' quarters. But I suppose people do decide to try something new sometimes."
"That is what I mean," Nynaeve told her patiently. She had not sounded sulky, and she had not looked sullen. It was ridiculous. "The woman who furnished this room doesn't look at the world the same as the woman who chose what used to be here. Look at those paintings. I don't know what the triple thing is, but you can recognize the other as well as I." They had both seen it happen.
"Bonwhin, I should say," Egwene said thoughtfully. "You never did listen to the lectures as you should. It is a triptych."
"Whatever it is, it's the other that's important." She had listened to the Yellows well enough. The rest was a pack of useless nonsense often as not. "It seems to me that the woman who hung it wants to be reminded how dangerous Rand is. If Siuan Sanche has turned against Rand for some reason... Egwene, this could be far worse than just her wanting Elayne back in the Tower."
"Perhaps," Egwene said judiciously. "Maybe the papers will tell us something. You search in here. When I finish with Leane's desk, I will help you."
Nynaeve stared indignantly at Egwene's back as she left. You search in here, indeed! Egwene had no right to give her orders. She ought to march right after her and tell her so in no uncertain terms. Then why are you standing here like a lump? she asked herself angrily. Searching the papers was a good idea, and she might as well do so in here as out there. In fact, the Amyrlin's desk was more likely to hold something important. Grumbling to herself about what she would do to set Egwene straight, she stalked to the thickly carved table, kicking her skirts with every step.
There was nothing on the table except three ornately lacquered boxes, arrayed with painful precision. Remembering the sorts of traps that could be set by someone wanting to insure privacy, she made a long stick to push open the hinged lid of the first, a gold and green thing decorated with wading herons. It was a writing case, with pens and ink and sand. The largest box, with red roses twining through golden scrolls, held twenty or more delicate carvings of ivory and turquoise, animals and people, all laid out on pale gray velvet.
As she pushed up the lid of the third box - golden hawks fighting among white clouds in a blue sky - she noticed that the first two were closed again. Things like that happened here; everything seemed to want to remain as it was in the waking world, and on top of that, if you took your eyes away for a moment, details could be different when you looked back.
The third box did hold documents. The stick vanished, and she gingerly lifted out the top sheet of parchment. Formally signed "Joline Aes Sedai," it was a humble request to serve a set of penances that made Nynaeve wince just scanning them rapidly. Nothing there that mattered, except to Joline. A scrawl at the bottom said "approved" in angular script. As she reached to put the parchment down, it faded away; the box was closed, too.
Sighing, she opened it again. The papers inside looked different. Holding the lid, she lifted them out one by one and read quickly. Or tried to read. Sometimes the letters and reports vanished while she was still picking them up, sometimes when she was no more than halfway down a page. If they had a salutation, it was simply, "Mother, with respect." Some were signed by Aes Sedai, others by women with other titles, nobles, or no honorific at all. None of it seemed to bear on the matter at hand. The Marshal General of Saldaea and his army could not be found, and Queen Tenobia was refusing to cooperate; she managed to finish that report, but it assumed that the reader knew why the man was not in Saldaea and what the queen was supposed to be cooperating about. No report had come from any Ajah's eyes-and-ears in Tanchico for three weeks; but she got no further than that one fact. Some trouble between Illian on one side and Murandy on the other was abating, and Pedron Niall was claiming credit; even in the few lines she got she could see the writer's teeth gnashing. The letters were all no doubt very important, those she was able to hurry through and those that faded away under her eyes, but of no use to her at all. She had just begun what seemed to be a report on a suspected - that was the word used - gathering of Blue sisters, when a wretched cry of "Oh, Light, no!" came from the outer room.
Darting for the door, she made a stout wooden club appear in her hands, its head bristling with spikes. But when she dashed in expecting to find Egwene defending herself, the woman was standing behind the Keeper's table staring at nothing. With a look of horror on her face, to be sure, but still unharmed and unthreatened that Nynaeve could see.
Egwene gave a start at the sight of her, then gathered herself visibly. "Nynaeve, Elaida is Amyrlin Seat."
"Don't be a goose," Nynaeve scoffed. Yet the other room, so unlike Siuan Sanche... "You're imagining things. You must be."
"I had a parchment in my hands, Nynaeve, signed 'Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan, Watcher of the Seals, Flame of Tar Valon, The Amyrlin Seat,' and sealed with the Amyrlin's seal."
Nynaeve's stomach tried to flutter up into her chest. "But how? What has happened to Siuan? Egwene, the Tower doesn't depose an Amyrlin except for something serious. Only two in nearly three thousand years."
"Maybe Rand was serious enough." Egwene's voice was steady, though her eyes were still too wide. "Maybe she became ill with something the Yellows couldn't Heal, or fell down the stairs and broke her neck. What matters is that Elaida is Amyrlin. I don't think she will support Rand as Siuan did."
"Moiraine," Nynaeve muttered. "So sure that Siuan would put the Tower behind him." She could not imagine Siuan Sanche dead. She had hated the woman often, been the slightest bit afraid of her on occasion - she could admit that now, to herself anyway - yet she had respected her, too. She had thought that Siuan would last forever. "Elaida. Light! She's as mean as a snake and as cruel as a cat. There's no telling what she might do."
"I am afraid I have a clue." Egwene pressed both hands to her stomach as though to quell flutters of her own. "It was a very short document. I managed to read it all. 'All loyal sisters are required to report the presence of the woman Moiraine Damodred. She is to be detained if possible, by whatever means are necessary, and returned to the White Tower for trial on charge of treason.' The same sort of language that was apparently used about Elayne."
"If Elaida wants Moiraine arrested, it must mean she knows Moiraine has been helping Rand, and she does not like it." Talking was good. Talking kept her from sicking up. Treason. They stilled women for that. She had wanted to bring Moiraine down. Now Elaida was going to do it for her. "She certainly won't support Rand."
"Exactly."
"Loyal sisters. Egwene, that fits with the Macura woman's message. Whatever happened to Siuan, the Ajahs have split over Elaida as Amyrlin. It must be."
"Yes, of course. Very good, Nynaeve. I did not see that."
Her smile was so pleased that Nynaeve smiled back. "There's a report on Siu- the Amyrlin's writing table about a gathering of Blues. I was just reading it when you shouted. I'll wager the Blues didn't support Elaida." The Blue and Red Ajahs had a sort of armed truce at the best of times, and came near going for each other's throats at the worst.
But when they went back into the inner room, the report was not to be found. There were plenty of documents - Joline's letter had reappeared; a brief reading made Egwene's eyebrows climb nearly to her hair - but not the one that they wanted.
"Can you remember what it said?" Egwene asked.
"I had just gotten a few lines when you shouted, and... I just can't
remember."
"Try, Nynaeve. Try very hard."
"I am, Egwene, but it will not come. I am trying."
What she was doing hit Nynaeve like a sudden hammer between the eyes. Excusing herself. To Egwene, a girl whose bottom she had switched for throwing a tantrum not more than two years ago. And a moment earlier she had been proud as a hen with a new egg because Egwene was pleased with her. She remembered quite clearly the day when the balance between them had shifted, when they ceased being the Wisdom and the girl who fetched when the Wisdom said fetch, becoming instead just two women far from home. It seemed that balance had shifted further, and she did not like it. She was going to have to do something to move it back where it belonged.
The lie. She had deliberately lied to Egwene for the first time ever today. That was why her moral authority had vanished, why she was floundering around, unable to assert herself properly. "I drank the tea, Egwene." She forced each word deliberately. She had to force them. "The Macura woman's forkroot tea. She and Luci hauled us upstairs like sacks of feathers. That is about how much strength we had between us. If Thom and Juilin hadn't come to pull us out by the scruffs of our necks, we would probably be there still. Or else on our way to the Tower, so full of forkroot we wouldn't wake up until we got here." Taking a deep breath, she tried for a tone of righteous firmness, but it was difficult when you had just confessed to having been an utter fool. What came out sounded much more tentative than she liked. "If you tell the Wise Ones about this - especially that Melaine - I'll box your ears."
Something in that should have sparked Egwene's ire. It seemed odd to want to start a row - usually their quarrels were over Egwene refusing to see reason, and they seldom ended pleasantly, since the girl had formed the habit of continuing to refuse - but that was certainly better than this. Yet Egwene only smiled at her. An amused smile. A condescending amused smile.
"I more than suspected as much, Nynaeve. You used to drone on about herbs day and night, but you never mentioned any plant called forkroot. I was sure you'd never heard of it until that woman mentioned it. You've always tried to put the best face on things. If you fell head first into a pigsty, you'd try to convince everybody you did it on purpose. Now, what we have to decide -"
"I do no such thing," Nynaeve spluttered.
"You certainly do. Facts are facts. You might as well stop whining about it and help me decide -"
Whining! This was not going at all the way she wanted. "They are no such thing. Not facts, I mean. I have never done what you said."
For a moment Egwene stared at her silently. "You will not let go of this, will you? Very well. You lied to me..."
"It was not a lie," she muttered. "Not exactly."
The other woman ignored her interruption. "... And you lie to yourself. Do you remember what you made me drink the last time I lied to you?" Suddenly a cup was in her hand, full of viscous sickly green liquid; it looked as if it had been scooped from a scummy stagnant pond. "The only time I ever lied to you. The memory of that taste was an effective discouragement. If you cannot tell the truth even to yourself..."
Nynaeve took a step back before she could stop herself. Boiled catfern and powdered mavinsleaf; her tongue writhed at just the thought. "I did not really lie, actually." Why was she making excuses? "I just didn't tell the whole truth." I am the Wisdom! I was the Wisdom; that ought to count for something still. "You cannot really think..." Just tell her. You're not the child here, and you certainly are not going to drink. "Egwene, I -" Egwene pushed the cup nearly under her nose; she could smell the acrid tang. "All right," she said hastily. This can't be happening! But she could not take her eyes off that brimming cup, and she could not stop the words tumbling out. "Sometimes I try to make things look better for myself than they were. Sometimes. But never anything important. I've never - lied - about anything important. Never, I swear. Only small things." The cup vanished, and Nynaeve heaved a sigh of relief. Fool, fool woman! She couldn't have made you drink it! What is wrong with you?
"What we have to decide," Egwene said as if nothing at all had happened, "is who to tell. Moiraine certainly has to know, and Rand, but if everyone hears of it... The Aiel are peculiar, about Aes Sedai no less than anything else. I think they'll follow Rand as He Who Comes With the Dawn in spite of anything, but once they learn the White Tower is against him, maybe they won't be so fervent."
"They'll learn sooner or later," Nynaeve muttered. She could not have made me drink it!
"Later better than sooner, Nynaeve. So don't you go bursting out in a temper and telling the Wise Ones about this at our next meeting. In fact, it would be best if you didn't mention this visit to the Tower at all. That way maybe you can keep it secret."
"I am not a fool," Nynaeve said stiffly, and felt a slow burn when Egwene quirked that eyebrow at her again. She was not about to bring the visit up with the Wise Ones. Not because it was easier defying them behind their backs. Nothing like that. And she was not trying to put a good face on things. It was not fair that Egwene could leap about Tel'aran'rhiod however she wanted, while she had to put up with lectures and bullying.
"I know you are not," Egwene said. "Unless you let your temper get the better of you. You need to hold your temper and keep your wits about you if you're right about the Forsaken, especially Moghedien." Nynaeve glowered at her, opening her mouth to say that she could too keep her temper and she would smack Egwene's ears if she thought differently, but the other woman gave her no chance. "We must find that gathering of Blue sisters, Nynaeve. If they oppose Elaida, maybe - just maybe - they will support Rand the way Siuan did. Was a town mentioned, or a village? A country, even?"
"I think... I cannot remember." She struggled to take the defensive note out of her voice. Light, I confessed everything, made a fool of myself and it's only made things worse! "I will keep trying."
"Good. We must find them, Nynaeve." For a moment Egwene studied her, while she refused to repeat herself. "Nynaeve, take care concerning Moghedien. Do not go rushing off like a bear in spring just because she got away from you in Tanchico."
"I am not a fool, Egwene," Nynaeve said carefully. It was frustrating having to hold her temper, but if all Egwene would do was ignore it or scold her, there was nothing to be gained beyond looking a bigger ninnyhead than she did already.
"I know. You said that. Just be sure you remember it. Be careful." Egwene did not fade away this time; she vanished, as suddenly as Birgitte.
Nynaeve stared at the spot where she had been, running through her head all the things she should have said. Finally she realized that she could stand there all night; she was repeating herself, and the time for saying anything was past. Grumbling under her breath, she stepped out of Tel'aran'rhiod, back to her bed in Sienda.
Egwene's eyes popped open in near total darkness, broken only by a little moonlight streaming in through the smoke hole. She was glad to be under a pile of blankets; the fire was out, and freezing cold filled the tent. Her breath turned to mist in front of her face. Without raising her head, she scanned the interior. No Wise Ones. She was still alone.
That was her biggest fear on these solitary excursions into Tel'aran'rhiod: returning to find Amys or one of the others waiting for her. Well, maybe not her biggest fear - the dangers in the World of Dreams were every bit as great as she had told Nynaeve - but a big one nonetheless. It was not punishment that frightened her, not the sort that Bair doled out. Had she wakened to find a Wise One staring at her, she would have accepted such gladly, but Amys had told her near the beginning that if she entered Tel'aran'rhiod without one of them accompanying her, they would send her away, refuse to teach her any longer. That made her quail far more than anything else they could do. But even so, she had to push ahead. As rapidly as they taught, they were not rapid enough. She wanted to know now, to know everything.
Channeling, she lit her lamp and put flames in the firepit; nothing remained for them to burn, but she tied the weave off. She lay there, watching her breath mist in front of her mouth, and waited for warmth enough to dress. It was late, but perhaps Moiraine would still be awake.
What had happened with Nynaeve still amazed her. I think she'd actually have drunk, if I had pressed her. She had been so afraid that Nynaeve would learn that she certainly did not have the Wise Ones' permission to jaunt about in the World of Dreams alone, so sure that the flush of embarrassment had given her away, that all she could think of was keeping Nynaeve from speaking, keeping her from winkling out the truth. And she had been so sure that Nynaeve would find out anyway - the woman was quite capable of turning her in and saying it was for her own good - that all she could do was talk, try to keep the focus on whatever Nynaeve was doing wrong. No matter how angry Nynaeve made her, she could not seem to bring up a shout. And with all of that, somehow, she had gained the upper hand.
Come to think of it, Moiraine seldom raised her voice, and when she did she was least effective in having what she wanted done. It had been so even before she began behaving so strangely with Rand. The Wise Ones never yelled at anyone, either - except each other, sometimes - and for all their grumping about the chiefs no longer listening, they still seemed to get their way much more often than not. There was an old saying that she had never really understood before: "He strains to hear a whisper who refuses to hear a shout." She would not shout at Rand again. A quiet, firm, womanly voice, that was the thing. For that matter, she ought not to shout at Nynaeve, either; she was a woman, not a girl throwing tantrums.
She found herself giggling. She especially ought not to raise her voice with Nynaeve when speaking calmly produced such results.
The tent finally seemed warm enough, and she scampered out, dressing quickly. She still had to break ice in her water pitcher before she could wash the sleep out of her mouth. Tossing the dark woolen cloak about her shoulders, she untied the strands of Fire - Fire by itself was dangerous to leave tied - and as the flames vanished, ducked out of the tent. Cold closed on her like an icy vise as she hurried through the camp.
Only the nearest tents were really visible to her, low, shadowed shapes that could have been part of the rugged earth, save that the camp extended for miles into the mountainous land to either side. These tall jagged peaks were not the Spine of the World; that was much higher, and lay days to the west yet.
She approached Rand's tent hesitantly. A sliver of light showed along the tent flap. A Maiden seemed to rise out of the ground as she came closer, horn bow on her back, quiver at her waist and spears and buckler in hand. Egwene could not make out any others in the darkness, but she knew they were there, even here surrounded by six clans all claiming loyalty to the Car'a'carn. The Miagoma were somewhere to the north, paralleling their march; Timolan would not say what his intentions were. Where the other clans were, Rand did not seem to care. His attention was all on the race for Jangai Pass.
"Is he awake, Enaila?" she asked.
Moonshadows shifted on the Maiden's face as she nodded. "He does not sleep enough. A man cannot go without rest." She sounded for all the world like a mother fretting over her son.
A shadow beside the tent stirred, became Aviendha with her shawl wrapped around her. She did not seem to feel the cool, only the hour. "I would sing him a lullaby, if I thought it might work. I have heard of women being kept awake all night by an infant, but a grown man should know that others would like to have their blankets." She and Enaila shared a quiet chuckle.
Shaking her head over Aiel strangeness, Egwene bent to peer through the crack. Several lamps lit the interior. He was not alone. Natael's dark eyes looked haggard, and he stifled a yawn. He at least wanted sleep. Rand lay sprawled close by one of the gilded oil lamps, reading a battered leather-bound book. One translation or another of the Prophecies of the Dragon, if she knew him at all.
Abruptly he flipped back through the pages, read, then laughed. She tried to tell herself there was nothing of madness in that laugh, only bitterness. "A fine joke," he told Natael, snapping the book shut and tossing it to him. "Read page two hundred eighty-seven and page four hundred, and tell me if you don't agree."
Egwene's mouth tightened as she straightened. He really should be more careful with a book. She could not speak to him, not in front of the gleeman. It was a shame that he had to use a man he barely knew for company. No. He had Aviendha, and the chiefs often enough, and Lan every day, and Mat sometimes. "Why don't you join them, Aviendha? If you were there, maybe he'd want to talk of something besides that book."
"He wanted to talk with the gleeman, Egwene, and he seldom does that in front of me or anyone. Had I not left, he and Natael would have."
"Children are a great worry, I have heard." Enaila laughed. "And sons the worst. You may find out the truth of this for me, now that you have given up the spear." Aviendha gave her a moonlit frown and stalked back to her place against the side of the tent like an offended cat. Enaila seemed to think that funny, too; she clutched her sides laughing.
Muttering to herself about Aiel humor - she almost never understood it - Egwene made her way to Moiraine's tent, not far from Rand's. Here, too, there was a sliver of light, and she knew that the Aes Sedai was awake. Moiraine was channeling; only tiny amounts of the Power, but still enough for Egwene to sense. Lan lay sleeping nearby, wrapped in his Warder's cloak; except for his head and boots, the rest of him seemed part of the night. Gathering her cloak, she held her skirts up and tiptoed so as not to wake him.
His breathing did not change, but something made her look at him again. Moonlight glinted on his eyes, open and watching her. Even as she turned her head, they closed again. Not another muscle stirred; he might never have wakened at all. Sometimes the man unnerved her. Whatever Nynaeve saw in him, she could not see.
Kneeling beside the tent flap, she peered in. Moiraine sat surrounded by the glow of saidar, the small blue stone that usually hung on her forehead dangling from her fingers in front of her face. It shone, adding a bit to the light of a single lamp. The firepit held only ashes; even the smell was gone.
"May I come in?"
She had to repeat herself before Moiraine answered. "Of course." The light of saidar faded away, and the Aes Sedai began fastening the fine golden chain back into her hair.
"You were eavesdropping on Rand?" Egwene settled herself beside the other woman. It was as cold in the tent as it was outside. She channeled flames atop the ashes in the firepit and tied the flow. "You said you would not do it again."
"I said that since the Wise Ones could watch his dreams, we should allow him some privacy. They have not asked again since he shut them out, and I have not offered. Remember that they have their own goals, which may not be those of the Tower."
As quickly as that, they had come to it. Egwene was still not sure how to tell what she knew without betraying herself to the Wise Ones, but perhaps the only method was to just tell it and then feel her way. "Elaida is Amyrlin, Moiraine. I do not know what has happened to Siuan."
"How do you know?" Moiraine said quietly. "Did you learn something dreamwalking? Or has your Talent as a Dreamer finally manifested itself?"
That was her way out. Some of the Aes Sedai in the Tower thought that she might be a Dreamer, a woman whose dreams foretold the future. She did have dreams that she knew were significant, but learning to interpret them was another matter. The Wise Ones said the knowledge had to come from within, and none of the Aes Sedai had been any more help. Rand sitting down in a chair, and somehow she knew that the chair's owner would be murderously angry at having her chair taken; that the owner was a woman was as much as she could pick out of that, and not a thing more. Sometimes the dreams were complex. Perrin, lounging with Faile on his lap, kissing her while she played with the short-cut beard that he wore in the dream. Behind them two banners waved, a red wolf's head and a crimson eagle. A man in a bright yellow coat stood near to Perrin's shoulder, a sword strapped to his back; in some way she knew that he was a Tinker, though no Tinker would even touch a sword. And every bit of it except the beard seemed important; The banners, Faile kissing Perrin, even the Tinker. Every time he moved closer to Perrin it was as if a chill of doom shot through everything. Another dream. Mat throwing dice with blood streaming down his face, the wide brim of his hat pulled low so she could not see his wound, while Thom Merrilin put his hand into a fire to draw out the small blue stone that now dangled on Moiraine's forehead. Or a dream of a storm, great dark clouds rolling without wind or rain while forked lightning bolts, every one identical, rent the earth. She had the dreams, but as a Dreamer she was a failure so far.
"I saw an arrest warrant for you, Moiraine, signed by Elaida as Amyrlin. And it was no ordinary dream." All true. Just not all of the truth. She was suddenly glad that Nynaeve was not there. I'd be the one staring at a cup, if she was.
"The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills. Perhaps it will not matter so much if Rand takes the Aiel across the Dragonwall. I doubt that Elaida has continued to approach rulers, even if she knows that Siuan was doing so."
"Is that all you can say? I think Siuan was your friend once, Moiraine. Can't you shed a tear for her?"
The Aes Sedai looked at her, and that cool, serene gaze told her how far she had to go before she could use that title herself. Sitting, Egwene was nearly a head taller, and she was stronger in the Power besides, but there was more to being Aes Sedai than strength. "I have no time for tears, Egwene. The Dragonwall is not many days distant now, and the Alguenya... Siuan and I were friends, once. In a few months it will be twenty-one years since we began the search for the Dragon Reborn. Only the two of us, newly raised Aes Sedai. Sierin Vayu was raised Amyrlin shortly after, a Gray with more than a touch of Red in her. Had she learned what we intended, we would have spent the rest of our lives doing penance with Red sisters watching us even while we slept. There is a saying in Cairhien, though I have heard it as far away as Tarabon and Saldaea. 'Take what you want, and pay for it.' Siuan and I took the path we wanted, and we knew we would have to pay for it eventually."
"I do not see how you can be so calm. Siuan could be dead, or even stilled. Elaida will either oppose Rand altogether or try to hold him somewhere until Tarmon Gai'don; you know she'll never let a man who can channel run free. At least not everyone is behind Elaida. Some of the Blue Ajah are gathering somewhere - I don't know where yet - and I think others have left the Tower, too. Nynaeve said that she was given a message about all sisters being welcome to return to the Tower by an eyes-and-ears of the Yellow. If Blues and Yellows have both gone, others must have. And if they oppose Elaida, they may support Rand."
Moiraine sighed, a soft sound. "Do you expect me to be happy that the White Tower has split apart? I am Aes Sedai, Egwene. I gave my life to the Tower long before I ever suspected the Dragon would be Reborn in my lifetime. The Tower has been a bulwark against the Shadow for three thousand years. It has guided rulers to wise decisions, stopped wars before they began, halted wars that did begin. That humankind even remembers that the Dark One waits to escape, that the Last Battle will come, is because of the Tower. The Tower, whole and united. I could almost wish that every sister had sworn to Elaida, whatever happened to Siuan."
"And Rand?" Egwene kept her voice just as steady, just as smooth. The flames were beginning to put a little warmth into the air, but Moiraine had just added her own chill. "The Dragon Reborn. You yourself said that he cannot be ready for Tarmon Gai'don unless he is allowed his freedom, both to learn and to affect the world. The Tower united could take him prisoner despite all the Aiel in the Waste."
Moiraine smiled a small smile. "You learn. Cool reason is always better than hot words. But you forget that only thirteen sisters linked can shield any man from saidin, and even if they do not know the trick of tying flows, fewer can hold that shield."
"I know you are not giving up, Moiraine. What do you mean to do?"
"I mean to deal with the world as I find the world, for as long as I can. At least Rand will be - easier to be around - now that I no longer need try to turn him from what he wants. I suppose I should be happy that he does not make me fetch his wine. He does listen most of the time, even if he seldom gives any sign what he thinks of what I tell him."
"I will leave you to tell him about Siuan and the Tower." That would avoid awkward questions; with Rand as big-headed as he was, he might want to know more about her Dreaming than she could invent. "There's something else. Nynaeve has seen Forsaken in Tel'aran'rhiod. She mentioned every last one still alive except Asmodean and Moghedien. Including Lanfear. She thinks they are plotting something, perhaps together."
"Lanfear," Moiraine said after a moment.
They both knew that Lanfear had visited Rand in Tear, and maybe other times that he had not told them of. No one had much knowledge of the Forsaken except the Forsaken themselves - only fragments of fragments remained in the Tower - but it was known that Lanfear had loved Lews Therin Telamon. They two, and Rand, knew that she still did.
"With luck," the Aes Sedai went on, "we will not have to worry about Lanfear. The others Nynaeve saw are another matter. You and I must keep as close a watch as we can. I wish more of the Wise Ones could channel." She gave a small laugh. "But I might as well wish they were all Tower trained while I am about it, or to live forever. They may be strong in many ways, but they are sadly lacking in others."
"A watch is all very well, but what else? If six Forsaken come at him together, he will need every bit of help we can give him."
Moiraine leaned over to put a hand on her arm, a look of affection on her face. "We cannot hold his hand forever, Egwene. He has learned to walk. He is learning to run. We can only hope he learns before his enemies catch him. And, of course, continue to advise him. To guide him when we can." Straightening, she stretched, and stifled a small yawn behind her hand. "It is late, Egwene. And I expect that Rand will have us breaking camp in a very few hours now, even if he gets no sleep at all. I, however, would like to take what rest I can before facing my saddle."
Egwene made ready to go, but first she had a question. "Moiraine, why have you started doing everything Rand tells you to? Even Nynaeve doesn't think it is right."
"She does not, does she?" Moiraine murmured. "She will be Aes Sedai yet, whatever she wishes. Why? Because I remembered how to control saidar."
After a moment, Egwene nodded. To control saidar, first you had to surrender to it.
It was not until she was shivering her way back to her own tent that she realized Moiraine had spoken to her the whole time as an equal. Perhaps she was closer to being ready to choose her Ajah than she thought.
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