She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
....she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
....she thought a quarterback was a refund.
....she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
....she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
....she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
....she thought General Motors was in the army.
....she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
....she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
....under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
....she tripped over a cordless phone.
....she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
....she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "ONE WAY."
....at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
....she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
....she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
....she sold the car for gas money!
....when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
....when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
....when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
....she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
....if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
....she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
....she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
....she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
....she studied for a blood test.
Three indians get lost in the forest. They ask, what are we going to do, the first indian says, do like the white men. So the first indian shoots into the sky, waits an hour, nothing! Second indian shoots in the sky, waits an hour, and still nothing. The third indian shoot into the sky, waits a min. nothing, quickly shoots again, waits an hour, and nothing. He turns to the first indian and says, well now what. The first indian goes- I don't fucking know, you just wasted my last arrows.
Ukrainian opera, packed with indians, opera is going on, the quy singing, ohhhhh ohhh ohhhhhhh . getting near the end, the guy in the show pulls out a knife and stabs the woman in the opera, then starts singing, ohhh ohhh ohhh, what have I done. An indian stands up in the crowd and yells, you mother fucker, you just killed the best piece of ass in regina
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a >construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the >Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he says, "You're >iN charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you >guys to make a big dent in that there pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the >pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of >it?" The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a >fella that he awasa ina charge ofa supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I nocouldafinda him nowhere." Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you; I thought >I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad; boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ahcouldnay fin' him either." The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells "SUPPLIES"!!
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. She stands up in the front of the plane. Screaming, "I'm too young to die," She wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says He is gorgeous, Tall, Built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle,unbuttoning his shirt..one button at a time...No one moves...He removes his shirt..Muscles rippleacross his chest as he reaches her, he extends the arm holding his shirt out to the trembling woman,...And whispers:......"Iron this."
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks
"how long before I can get a haircut?
" The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."
The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and
says, "About an hour and half."
The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut,
but then doesn't come back."
A little while later,
Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"
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