8 things you will never hear a woman say;
8. What do you mean it's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch tv.
6. ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5.Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being just friends.
4. Honey, does this outfit make my but look to small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be 19419x235t able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale $300 is way too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger.
Why did god invent lesbians? So feminists wouldn't breed
Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen
What do you do if your dishwasher quits working? Kick her in the ass.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
Did you hear about the guy that figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anyone
Why do men fart more than women? Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
The Mature Male
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now, I'm 40 and just looking for a girl with big tits.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times...
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what?"
"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, why don't you fuck off."
A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tail pipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing? "The blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Hello! You need to roll up the windows first!"
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